The following is a transcript of a Raised Catholic podcast episode.

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Today is episode 177: With and a Little Ahead

Hi friends. Today I’m bringing you a story that I first wrote back in 2017, well before the start of this podcast. This insight that I’ll describe into how we walk with God and with each other has been with me ever since then that time, and I was reminded of this idea recently when reading from Deuteronomy. This is a good one, and I hope this idea blesses you as much as it does me. Here it goes.

My dog, Bailey, walks both with me and a little ahead. She can often smell or sense many things that I cannot, so in those moments, she’ll take the lead, but otherwise she stays with me, side by side, as we walk it out together.

With me and a little ahead. It brings back a memory of when I was twenty, invited on retreat in Vermont by my friend, Peter, and I was walking in the woods around the retreat house alone. Growing up as one of four girls in a neighborhood full of kids, I had no memory of ever walking alone before that day, and so at that time, I was just loving it. Sunbeams shining down through the trees, a wide dirt path to follow so I knew I wouldn’t get lost, and a tricking stream by my side, the day was perfect. Suddenly, I realized that God was just like that stream; alive, active, bubbling, and flowing, and also, He was both right with me and a little ahead. Also, behind me. You might say that this was my first adult spiritual epiphany, and the first time I came to find my own language around the nature of God, and I remember being so excited about it. I loved the idea that God, like that stream, was always moving but at the same time remained next to me and also was behind me. And so, that means that He was fully able to perceive all of what was up ahead in my life’s timeline, able to understand and appreciate everything I had been through to that point, yet He never abandoned the place that I currently occupied. I realized that my life’s goal would be to somehow merge with that stream, to become a part of it, floating in it and trusting God to carry me instead of walking my path on my own power. This seemed to me even then at age 20 like the lifelong pursuit that it would ultimately become, and one that no one ever quite finishes. It would be years before that memory even made sense to me in the context of my everyday life.

Later, I found myself in a yoga class with a bunch of college kids. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that they all could have been my children in their age, but I felt none of the embarrassment that you might think. On the contrary, it seemed to me that it was the kids who felt some level of discomfort, not with me certainly, but within themselves. You could perceive a vague unease in how these students didn’t answer questions at the start of class, at how they held their bodies tightly, clung to their phones, and kept their socks on. In contrast, I practiced yoga that day with my eyes closed and was blissfully barefoot and pedicure-free on my mat. It’s just easier to practice that way, I have learned. But, oh, I remember being their age, certain that everyone was looking and judging the smallest word or action. I remember walking on their campus when it was my campus, and casting a downward gaze as I walked, never really making eye contact with people. In my bones, I remember the feeling that everyone around me was just a little bit better than me, certainly more worthy, and that I would have to work hard and not screw it up to have any chance at belonging. I remembered how the ages eighteen and nineteen felt inside my mind and heart and body, and so I looked on all of these kids with a mother’s hope and compassion, along with a quiet prayer for whatever each of them needed that day. We practiced yoga together, and I offered what I hoped were encouraging smiles occasionally to anyone who looked my way. At that time, I’d had a regular yoga practice for five years and many of these kids were just beginning, so when it came to the more difficult poses, I did the same modifications that they did though truthfully, I could have stretched further. I didn’t want to entertain the slightest possibility that any of these kids would feel anything negative about themselves on account of me. We were in it together and I was with them, but also, a little ahead.

In life, we are often a little ahead or a little behind the people in our lives, but we can always be with them. When a friend recently lost her mother, I looked directly in her eyes, hugged her tight, and heard myself slowly say, “It’s unbearable, the worst thing in the world, but I promise you, you will be okay.” Someone had said something like that to me when my own mother passed, and they were right. My friend was present in my pain, but also saving me from future despair in that moment. They were with me, and a little ahead. When friends lose parents, and it’s sadly so often now, I think of the quote from comedian Tig Notaro, who said, “The world is broken into two groups; those who know what it’s like to lose your Mom, and those who have no idea what’s coming.” Those of us who do can bear grace and understanding into those raw, hellish days for others on that terrible road, and it’s my experience that we do.

But it’s not just the grieving times in which presence and a little bit of earned wisdom can really make a difference. My friend, Lisa, was with me and a little ahead when I entered the precarious world of raising teenagers and thank God she was. Her honest, helpful advice meant the world to me then, and her presence helped me to know that I was not alone. When I ran my half-marathon, I had the advice and support of friends who had done it before me, and on the day, I truly felt Jesus running both with me and a little bit ahead and it made all the difference. On the other side of the coin, I’ve commiserated with and encouraged younger friends about how peer-focused, awful, and yet loving a middle schooler can be, and I’ve helped a few worried Moms to see how a preschooler who doesn’t always willingly participate in group activities may also one day be immune to quite a lot of teenage peer pressure. No, I’m not particularly wise, but in each of those cases, I was just a little bit ahead on the road.

With and a little ahead is also how God walks with us. In the Book of Deuteronomy, we hear the story of Moses handing his baton of leadership over to Joshua. Moses had heard from the Lord that he himself would not be crossing over the Jordan into the promised land, and he was preparing his people for what was to come. Moses said, “The Lord has said to me, ‘You shall not cross the Jordan.’ The Lord your God himself will cross over ahead of you.” Later, he says to both Joshua and to all of Israel, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

The Lord is with us, both now in whatever state we find ourselves in, and He is ahead, preparing a way and future connections and opening doors that we could not yet imagine. At the same time, He’s in our past as well. He knows every single bit of everything that makes up our stories, and I don’t know about you, but I find profound comfort in a God who is in all of these places – our past, present and future – a God who never leaves me but who is always up the road making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. And I guess I’m wondering, friend, how about you?

Thanks so much for being with me today, friend. If you need me, you can find me on Instagram @kerrycampbellwrites, at Substack at kerrycampbellwrites.substack.com, where I hope you’ll leave a comment on this week’s episode, or on my website at kerrycampbell.org. Thanks so much for rating, reviewing, subscribing and most importantly, sharing this podcast with a friend.  That makes a real difference in growing our community, so thanks. If you would like to support this podcast financially, there are a couple of ways for you to do that in the show notes, along with some resources related to today’s episode, so do check all of that out, but before we go, let’s pray together.

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, amen.

God, we thank you for the nature of who you are in our lives. We ask that you help us to become good listeners for those who are ahead of us and good mentors to the ones who are behind us on the road. Thank you for how you weave our stories together in love and help us to cross over all of the rivers in our lives. For us and for our dear ones we pray in the name of Jesus and wrapped in the mantle of our Mother Mary, amen.Thanks so much for listening today, friend, and I’ll see you next time.

Show Notes

This week, I’ll tell several stories of when I was with and a little ahead or a little behind others on the road, along with a profound experience I had at age 20 when I learned that ‘with and a little ahead’ is how God walks with us, too. I pray this episode is a blessing to you.

If you’d like to connect with me, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠find me on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠at my website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, or ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠on Substack⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. If you’d like to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠help support this podcast financially⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, there’s a way to do just that ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠on my page at buymeacoffee.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Thanks for sharing, subscribing, rating, and reviewing, as this helps our community to grow.

Thanks as always to my friend, Peter Vaughan-Vail, for providing the beautiful harp music you hear in this and every episode.

Here are some resources to help you dig into this week’s topic on your own:

1. Scripture: Moses hands the baton to Joshua – ⁠Deuteronomy 31⁠

2. Lyric Video: ⁠The Detour⁠, by Sarah Kroger

3. Song: ⁠The Voyage⁠, by Amanda Cook

4. Place: ⁠Weston Priory in Weston, Vermont ⁠– chapel, retreat accommodations labyrinth and the woods I describe in this episode

5. Scripture: ⁠Road to Emmaus story⁠ from the Book of Luke

6. Art/Instagram Caption: ⁠Journey through the heart of God by Scott Erickson⁠