Retreat Takeaways – Bells, Time & Open Hands – Raised Catholic 155

The following is a transcript of a Raised Catholic podcast episode. To listen to the episode, click here.

Today is episode 155: Retreat Takeaways: Bells, Time, and Open Hands

Hi friends. This week I’m finishing up my short series on some of the takeaways from a recent retreat experience I had. If you missed the first two episodes in the series, it is probably a good idea to catch up with those before listening today, they are numbers 152 and 154. Well, during my time on retreat, a few symbols kept rising up for me over and over, and as I process through the weekend, I can see more clearly how God was speaking to me through them. As I mentioned in last week’s episode, on a retreat or, really, anywhere, when the Holy Spirit is asking me to pay attention to a word or a scripture or an image or a person, I will generally feel a little ‘perk up’ in my spirit. I won’t always know why I am supposed to pay attention to this particular thing, but it is generally just a feeling of, like, “you will want to notice this,” and so I do. I’ve come to recognize that feeling and it always proves itself fruitful, so I’ve learned to be open and obedient to the noticing, even when I don’t understand it.

Well, in today’s episode, I will focus in on how the Holy Spirit prompted me to notice a few things: bells, timing, and open hands. And if you’ve never prayed in this kind of contemplative way – thoughtfully considering the symbols that come up in your life and what God might be trying to say to you through them, I do hope this story gives you permission to start, because this is a wonderful way to be in communion with God who always wants to be close to us.

As I mentioned in the last episode, I brought with me on retreat some real and heavy concerns for our church here in America and how it is falling short, and if I’m honest, some anger about how some faith communities that I am a part of have been affected in this time. I felt unmoored and I wanted guarantees from God about what the future would bring. And I wonder if you’ve ever gone to God with those kinds of demands before, and how that went for you.

Well, the retreat went on, and it was good – really good – but I never did get that guarantee about the future. I don’t know about you, friend, but God does not tend to offer those to me. His ways are higher than my ways, and He works it all out in time, for sure, but very rarely in those concrete ways that I hear about up-front that I still ask for from time to time. Faith is much more a journey than a contract, I know. Well, at one point, we heard a talk that mentioned bells. The speaker said something like, “a bell is not a bell unless it’s ringing,” and I thought then about how the communities that I have been a part of which were once so vibrant, had taken some significant hits in recent years. In some cases, it was hard to hear the bell ‘ringing’ in these places any longer, and that reality brings up quite a lot of emotions for me, even now. Later in the weekend, someone asked to borrow a little bell I had received from a friend and something in my spirit asked me to pay attention to the feeling that rose up in me when they did. I think because I have ‘loaned’ out my joy in my ministries and in my service to others without real pastoral care for many years, I felt depleted, and I had to admit, my own bell wasn’t ringing all that loudly. I knew I needed to tend to myself or to allow God to tend to me, because I want God to ring through me. It’s honestly the thing I want most in my life.

Then there was a day when an expected delivery I had planned didn’t come, and that made me nervous for the group and the weekend, until that delivery came the next morning exactly right on time for that package to be of the most use to God’s people. And I began to remember how much my surrender to God’s plans matters. I can let go of my expectations for myself, for my church, for everything, and everyone that matters to me – I can really do this if I will open my hands and entrust it all to God. Turning over my will is… not my favorite thing to do. Surrender to God and His ways over my ways – well, that is one of the most challenging things for me, still, though I definitely am getting better with it with time and practice as God shows His faithfulness to me over and over. He really does that, thankfully. My friend Fr. Joe Callahan used to have a white flag of surrender hanging in his office. It was a reminder to him that as things came up during the day, he would give them over to Jesus, over and over, day by day, so maybe this really is a lesson that takes a whole lifetime to learn.

By the very end of the weekend, I still had not heard from God about these concerns I had brought with me on retreat. On a break, I loaded my things into my car, and I stood out in the parking lot, and there, I spoke to God out loud. I gave Him the rundown about a few things I was really concerned about in His church and in the world that He didn’t seem to be doing much of anything about. I expressed my fear and anger about how things had been handled in the past, and about what the future might bring in this broken church. I told Him how much community matters to me, and how much I want to continue to serve and minister, but that I was depleted and that I did not have the direction or guidance I needed. Finally, I told God, “I give up. I surrender.” I opened my hands right out there in the parking lot, accepted things as they were, and trusted that God was in it in all in ways that I could not yet see. As a confused and maybe a little frustrated Peter once said to Jesus, “To whom else would we go?” And so, I went back inside.

When I did, I immediately heard two joyful voices call my name. They were retreat leaders, and these people put a bell in my hands. It was time to bring the retreatants back from their break and it would be my job to ring that bell all over the house to call them in. Now friend, I have been a part of this retreat house for over twenty years. A bell has been used for gathering on every weekend I have been a part of there, and there have been many, and I have never been given that bell, until that afternoon. As I rang it up and down those corridors, I could hear the kind voice of Jesus say, “Kerry, do you see? I see everything you see and so much more, all the injustice, and all your worry about the future. And I want you to know that I still call you by your name. You can trust me with these places and your concerns, and you can trust me in the places where I will plant you that you don’t even know about yet. Just keep ringing.”

God called me by my name, He put a bell into my open hands, and even though it was at the very end of the weekend, all of it was right on time.

If you feel forgotten or unseen by God, let me remind you this Advent season that Jesus is Emmanuel, God-with-us. Even when we don’t always feel it. Even when the country and the world and the church seem to be spinning off their axis. You and I are called by God who loves us and who knows the whole plan. You and I are planted like a strong trees drawing living water. You and I are anchored by our faith in a very big God. You and I are living the stations of the cross like a continuous circle that, sure, sometimes feel like a cyclone. But we’re never alone in it. So, let’s keep ringing. Let’s keep dancing. Let’s keep our hands open to what God has for us because we can trust Him. Oh friend, what do you say?

This week I put up my Christmas tree, and as I always do, I place next to each other the very first and the very last ornaments that my Mom ever gave me. The first one I have from her is from 1981 when I was ten, a stained-glass bell she made, and the last one she gave me in 2012, the year she died, is a little angel or fairy trying to catch a star. As I sat in front of my tree and prayed one evening this week, it filled me with delight to realize that what I was looking at were a bell and an open hand, together there on the tree, as they have been together on the tree for many years. And not far away from them was a bird which I just then realized was actually an owl. Isn’t God so funny sometimes?

Thank you so much for being with me today. If you need me, you can find me on Instagram @kerrycampbellwrites, at Substack at kerrycampbellwrites.substack.com, or on my website at kerrycampbell.org. Thanks so much for rating, reviewing, subscribing and most importantly, sharing this podcast with a friend. That makes a real difference in growing our community, so thanks. If you’d like to support this podcast financially, there are a couple of ways for you to do that in the show notes, along with some resources related to today’s episode, so do check all of that out, but before we go, let’s pray together.

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, amen.

God, in your kindness, help us to see your hand as you intercede, and lead, and provide for us in all things. Help us to know how much we’re loved and that you have good plans for us. Help us to know you as Emmanuel, God with us, as we finish out this year and for the year to come. For us and our dear ones we pray in the name of Jesus and wrapped in the mantle of our Mother Mary, amen.

Thanks for listening to this maybe a little bit odd but very personal episode today, friend. I’ll see you next time.

Show Notes

This week completes my short series on my takeaways from a recent retreat. I hope it encourages you to consider both contemplative prayer and a retreat in 2024.

Thanks as always to my friend, Peter Vaughan-Vail, for providing the beautiful harp music you hear in this and every episode.

Here are some resources I hope will help you to engage with this week’s topic in a deeper way for yourself:

1. Song: ⁠Missing Piece⁠, by JJ Heller

2. Song: ⁠Turn! Turn! Turn⁠, by The Byrds

3. Lyric Video: ⁠Open Hands⁠, by Diana Trout

4. Movie Scene: ⁠Every Time a Bell Rings⁠, from It’s a Wonderful Life

5. Song: ⁠Ring Them Bells⁠, by Sarah Jarosz