In a moment where a ripple of jealousy washed in and tried to make me believe that one was blessed and favored and another forgotten, I stopped and named the lie.
There is no scarcity in God. He makes good for all those who love Him. (Romans 8:28) He knows the plans He has for us and they are good and full of promise. (Jeremiah 29:11)
I said it out loud.
I’ve read about this from my Protestant brothers and sisters, this practice of audibly calling out the devil’s lie for what it is, but as a Catholic, I’ve never done it before. Normally, I readily accept those invasive, negative thoughts as:
- My own weakness
- A mountain-size burden to be climbed
- Actually, fundamentally true
But in this moment, for some reason I can’t discern, I fought back and it was quiet and still and sure.
While I was at it, I called out another lie, that my future is haphazard and that all of my efforts are for nothing. My future is not haphazard. Rather, it is known and coordinated and the pieces are falling into place right now, right as I type these words. Because He wills it. Because He loves me.
Later, I held the hands of Mary (really, a statue of her but I believe she was there) and I told her, “those things that God promised me long ago, about that child and about that road and about those doors of opportunity… I still believe those things. I’m still holding on to that.” And I said it without hysterics or clinging or tears, just the steady knowledge that I’m heard. And I walked away from that statue as the much loved child I am.
Things that will never change: I’m a child and a mother and I’m beloved. He is good and He’s for me. He’s for us.
Even on days when the world seems like it’s on fire. Even when I can’t see that far ahead. Even when it’s a slog. Even when life doesn’t look anything like what I thought it would.
Even then, I’m still standing. I’m calling it out. God is good and He’s in it.
Oh God, defend us like a lion and be glorified in it today and forever, amen, amen, amen.