missing your mother
a few years in
is like
walking around the edge
of a large pit in the ground
the more you look at it
how deep and dark and unending
the more likely you will
fall in
you remember what it was like
down there
the raw ceaseless howling
and you have no wish to return
still, you walk
round and round
where there’s light and green grass
but you can never stray too far
from that edge
sometimes
the darkness finds you acutely
and you look
and see how much you’ve lost
how many times you desperately
needed her
and what her loss has cost you
and how it is only her
who would ever understand
and you’d give anything for
fifteen more minutes
but there’s nothing to do
but walk
round and round the edge
and try
to raise your chin
as she would have
in her two hands
to the sky
© my little epiphanies 2017 all rights reserved
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